I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
