If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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