Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
