Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Come share oat with me in your robe
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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