So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my nose is crying tears of wow.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
