I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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