I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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