There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
