They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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