I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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