You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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