nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We talked him into tasing himself.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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