so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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