I'm pants shitting drunk right now
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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