I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
