turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
