I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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