I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
