went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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