I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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