Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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