I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
