making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
