Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
