I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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