Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
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Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
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Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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