This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you never un-have a 4some
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize