And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
