Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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