i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
