i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
