my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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