i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
