that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
