I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
