his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
