is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
no you cant smoke seaweed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Your penis caused this!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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