you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
