He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
