Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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