i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
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i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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