I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Randomize
