K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
