Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
