plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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