I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
