don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
