Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My ass is underappreciated
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize