hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
