Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
