question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
