that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
