I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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