she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sober January is a disaster.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
3pm strippers are depressing
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
