It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
