If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
they need to just BURY HIM!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
