I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
