can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
