Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
