I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
