the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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