Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize