Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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