We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
