i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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